Train-wreck! Shambles! Catastrophe! Omnishambles (yes really!) – all synonyms for Hot Mess! None of them quite sum it up as well though. I must have heard the expression before – but it came up a lot at my last 2 day event. Along with Lost. At a Cross-Roads. Stuck. Getting in my own way.
Personally I love the term ‘Hot Mess’. Did you know it is in the Oxford Dictionary? The dictionary.com description says:-
“Hot mess is used to describe a particularly disorganized person or chaotic situation. In some uses, a person described as a hot mess is attractive but just barely keeping it together.”
The term originated in the kitchen – and literally referred to hot food that looked messy!
All of the above statements coming from my event basically referred to the same thing, which is that at a certain age people in general and women in particular – start to think about what they are here for in a way that they maybe didn’t have the headspace for previously.
It can often happen around ‘mid life’ and in a man often results in flashy car, an obsession with the gym and maybe a new (for new read younger) model wife or partner.
In women it generally shows up as a sense of dissatisfaction and a search for purpose.
Why Does Purpose Become So Important in Mid Life?
Well, when you think about it – the first half of your life you are very busy being of service and following rules. Rules like – ‘go to school’, ‘work hard and pass your exams’, ‘go to college or Uni’, ‘get a job’, ‘get married’, ‘have kids’, ‘work hard and get promoted’. And many others.
We are set up on the treadmill of life – with all good intentions in many cases – by parents, school teachers, friends, society. And most people never think to question it.
Your parents want you to do better than they did. They want you to be happy – and that means (at least in their minds) – having more than them. More money. More success. A bigger house. A better car. Holidays they could never afford to take you on.
But even then, there is a limit, an invisible barrier in their minds, and if you are not careful, you will sense that barrier and it will become your own.
You see, they can imagine you going to University if they never did, but maybe being a Nobel prize winner is a step too far. They can imagine you in a better paid job, but maybe not being a millionaire. They can see you in a slightly bigger house, but not a mansion.
How do I know? Well, let me tell you.
The Subconscious Barriers That Are Holding You Back
When I lived in my previous house, I remember clearly the first time my Dad visited. It was a glorious day, and the sun sparkled through the windows and drove all the shadows out of the corners of the room, making our multipurpose living room/kitchen/diner, look even bigger.
If you had been to that house, you’d agree it was a fairly big old thing. A converted barn, with lots of rooms, a big yard for multiple cars to park and a rather large and lovely green space with tree’s hedges, patios, paths and the odd flower. I couldn’t call it a garden as much as an oasis of peace and tranquility, and space!
I clearly remember my Dad’s comments after I had shown him around.
“Well Cheryl, I never thought anyone in our family would have a house like this!”.
He was chuffed. And I was chuffed that he was chuffed. Later it occurred to me that it was a good job I have done a lot of work on myself over the last 10 years, otherwise his expectations of what I was capable of might have become mine.
Where Do These Subconscious Beliefs Come From?
And it made me think of many conversations I have had with my clients who have said almost the same exact thing. I remember one particular lady who said to me –
“I feel like it is OK to have a little bit more than my parents, but no more than that.”
That should be a weird thing to say, because why would you think that? I mean – would your parents not want you to have the earth and everything in it, if you could? Well, probably – in their conscious minds.
But the subconscious is a powerful thing. And just like they have passed on their feelings of worth and possibility to you, their parents did the same to them. At some point you have to break out of that limiting mindset.
You can see those people all around you. Do you think Elon Musk has limiting beliefs? Or Bill Gates? How about Gordon Ramsey? Or Oprah Winfrey? What about Mother Theresa – did she have limiting beliefs?
Are Some People Just Lucky?
People who seem to others to have an extraordinary level of success, might look like they were just lucky – they had the right idea at the right time. But that is not the difference. Many people have great ideas at perfect times. They just don’t believe that THEY are the ones who can implement those ideas.
But they are wrong. There is almost nothing separating the super successful from the averagely successful person, or the ‘unsuccessful’ except for mindset. Look at Sylvester Stallone.
Stallone was born with a disadvantage for the dream he later developed of becoming a movie star (not just an actor – he wanted to be a star). But a forceps birth had severed a nerve in his lower jaw, which made it look like he was snarling and sound like he was slurring his speech. Both not great advantages when auditioning for parts.
Sly was turned down at over 1000 auditions, but persisted because he believed in himself and his dream. He actually got to play a part in 17 films, 3 TV shows and a theatre play before making Rocky, but he wasn’t getting anywhere with starring roles.
Would You Sell Your Dog?
Things got so bad that he had to sell his wife’s possessions and even his beloved dog, to make ends meet. Until one night when he was watching a boxing match. Muhammad Ali was fighting Chuck Wepner. Ali was expected to win but Wepner wouldn’t give up. He kept on getting up, and even knocked Ali down at one stage. After 15 rounds Ali did win, but Stallone was inspired.
Here was a part he could play – he just had to write the movie! He stayed up for 3 days straight and wrote the script.
And More Rejection
Writing it was one thing. Getting someone to pick it up and pay for it was something else. Again massive amounts of rejection followed. Tony Robbins states that Stallone’s script was rejected 1500 times. But eventually one studio offered him $125,000 for it. He rejected their offer because they wanted someone else to play the part – a known actor.
He rejected their second offer and their third for £325,000. They eventually offered him $35,000 if he played the role himself and a share of the profit. The film cost $1 million to make and grossed $200 million.
Eventually – Stallone got what he wanted. And he got his dog back. He found the man who bought his dog and had to offer $15,000 of the $35,000 he earned for the film to get the dog back (the dog in Rocky – that’s the one!).
The Thing That Defines Success
Of course, you could argue that when he made Rocky, Stallone was not the best actor that ever lived. You could argue he still isn’t. But that’s not the point. The prize doesn’t always go to the better actor/footballer/business person/singer/coach/….(fill in your desired business/job here). It goes to the woman (or man) who thinks she can.
The difference is not just finding but KNOWING your purpose. This is when you know – without any doubt – that THIS is what you are meant to do. A friend of mine KNEW she would open her own business by age 40. She opened it at 39. The law of attraction in action.
So – now you have stopped following the rules, set by other people for YOUR life, what are you going to do with it?
If you don’t yet have your purpose clear in your mind and you need some help with that – the first step would be to get your unique genetic blueprint report. This will tell you who you are and what you are here to do, which is a big step in determining what form that is going to take – that is – your purpose.
Fill in a couple of questions here and I will send it over.