Are you familiar with the Barbara Streisand song ‘People’? The lyrics go…
‘People, people who need people, are the luckiest people in the world’. When I first heard this song, I couldn’t figure it out. How can people who need people be lucky? “Need” indicated to me, something that you don’t have. So, how can you be lucky if you need something (and don’t have it).
There is another way to look at needing people though. A need is something you can’t live without, and even though you might sometimes like to think you don’t need other people, of course you do, for all sorts of reasons.
Many people grow up with the belief, or are taught, that you mustn’t be too ‘needy’, as if needing other people was a weakness. People seem more attractive when they are ‘unattainable’ and there is a ‘treat them mean, keep them keen’ philosophy around dating.
And this valuing of independence and lack of neediness, has some upsides for sure, but also some pretty bad downsides. Here’s the thing, you may find you are living in an increasingly ‘separate’ world, where people feel isolated but at the same time, that they can’t ask for help.
And you know what? The truth is everybody needs other people. Even the most selfless of people need other people to help, so that they can feel good about themselves. Because one of the strongest drivers in the world, is the need to feel important. And by helping others, we can feel validated, like you make a difference by being here.
So yes of course you need other people. You need to love, you need to be heard, you need support, and you need to give support, you need to laugh and you need to cry. It’s pretty hard to do all those things on your own and so I hope you will agree you don’t have to J
What you do need though. Is to be mindful of needing other people’s approval. That is quite different from needing other people. It is great to have other people’s approval of course, just not NEED it to be able to act. If you are terrified of making a decision for fear of what others may think, then that is a whole other issue that needs dealing with.
Of course, it is important to make sure you have the right people around you, and perhaps you have noticed that people tend to fall into 2 categories, givers and takers. Maybe you already know which category you fall into. Here’s the news – either of these is not good for you – just as in breathing you need to be able to give a breath & take one too. (Try doing just one of them!!! …..ok BreatheJ)
So, when you are in a group of people who are both also, now you are in the right group of people to be around & then you ARE one of the luckiest people in the world.
If you are looking for a community of like-minded people, click here and look at becoming a WHY’s Woman or a WHY’s man. As well as online training and other tools, there is a secret Facebook group where you get support and encouragement from other members, as well as monthly Q&A’s with me and my partner in crime Marion. And most important, you will find a bunch of other ‘people who need people’, all waiting for you.
You see, you don’t have to work it all out on your own & you don’t have to do it alone.