Today I have been at the Hilton Hotel Manchester Airport, talking to a bunch of incredible women about finding their WHY. And about why they may not have found it until now. You see, these women, like many others, are existing business owners, or they want to be business owners, or there is something else that they want to do, but they are not sure they can do it.
Interestingly, most new ideas – investing in property, bitcoin, becoming an entrepreneur, selling online products or services – any big changes, in fact, have something in common. Whether you want to give up your job and go traveling, end or start a relationship, build your own house – whatever it is – these things all bring up FEAR.
And in many cases, that fear completely stops you from doing what it is you think you want to do. In some cases, the fear is so strong it stops you from even thinking about it, stops you from identifying what it is you want to do.
And that’s why you need to have a purpose.
Change is hard, your brain is trying to keep you safe by manifesting fear. And the only way to overcome that and have the life you deserve I – is to have a big enough WHY.
Many people say, “It’s my children/family” but I would (respectfully) disagree. Your children are absolutely your responsibility and (hopefully) they light up your life and bring a new meaning to everything you do. But they are not your purpose.
Your WHY is what you were brought here for. Now if that is just being a Mum and grandma, then you are right – that is your purpose. But if there is a voice inside you saying, “Is that it? Isn’t there something more for me”, then you probably haven’t found it yet.
And without your personal WHY? You could find yourself living someone else’s!
So, what prompts this little voice to ask, ‘Why am I here?’
Well, often it is a big life event. Perhaps you have been made redundant, or your company has ceased trading. Maybe there has been a death or serious illness in the family. Potentially you have been through or are going through a divorce or relationship break up. Or perhaps those precious kids, who were your purpose, have moved out and are starting their own adult lives. Maybe you have reached a ‘milestone’ birthday.
Whatever the cause the result can be a feeling of dissatisfaction or feeling stuck, to addictions and destructive behaviours, right through to anxiety about the future and depression.
How do I change things for the better?
Before I discovered my “WHY,” I used to blame everything on everyone.
If I had a bad day at work, a terrible experience, or wasn’t happy with my life… it would always be someone else’s fault except mine.
Maybe you can relate to this? I lived in the same negative pattern for years.
Then, at the age of 48, I attended a one-day seminar, and one speaker, in particular, caught my attention as he asked:
“If you were to die tomorrow, who would mourn your loss?”
It made me realise my life was a bit of a mess, actually. I was drinking heavily, going to a job that I really wasn’t happy with, and I had started asking myself, “Is this really it?”
Something needed to change and change fast! (I only learned later that the “something” was ME!)
I invested in some training where I met Marion Bevington (who later became my co-creator of The Find Your WHY! Foundation)
She helped me to understand that I had been held back in my life due to experiences in my childhood & adulthood that had lead to limiting beliefs about who I was and what I could achieve.
I began a search to find my purpose in life and to find out who I really was.
It took 8 years of multiple courses, training, too much theory, and very little actionable steps as well as a lot of time and money invested. Eventually, I found it… the truth was I’d been living a lie, playing small and doing what everyone else thought I should do.
Have you ever felt like you had lost yourself and lost control of your life?
This is what happens when you find your WHY
Once I found my WHY I realised what it was ME that needed to change and I started to live the life I was really born to live. Today life is easier, it’s more fun and I know that my WHY is to guide others so they can:
“STOP Asking WHY Me? And START Saying WHY Not Me!”.
One of the things I recently did to help people get to “Why not me?”, was to organise a TEDx talk in Huddersfield, where many of the 19 speakers, previously would have questioned their ability to deliver a TEDx talk.
This was one of the highlights of last year, and indeed of my journey to date. It was the ultimate fulfillment of my WHY, as I guided these people to deliver the top of their game from stage.
If you haven’t yet found YOUR Why then talk to me about coming along to one of our events. And if you already know your WHY is to speak from stage (or might involve that skill) then please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org as there will be plenty of opportunities for you to do that at my events this year.
Why NOT You?