No, I don’t mean literally. This is not 1929 gang related murder in Chicago I am referring to. This is a different kind of Valentines Day massacre entirely. You see, I had a very calm Valentines Day this year and whilst I have nothing against Valentines Day personally I think that we should be focused on showing our love every day not just one day a year.
However, ON Valentine’s Day – I had a serious flashback to another Valentine’s Day – that turned into a bit of a massacre.
You see I have had several ‘husbands’, and back in the day, I had a serious problem. And that problem was ….Jealousy. In fact, that problem was the REASON I have had several husbands. Jealousy causes many problems and is one of the main killers of relationships. It causes arguments, but not just any arguments.
Clearly couples argue, I don’t think I know a couple that NEVER argue, because when you live in close proximity with another human being, no matter how much you love them, occasionally they will irritate you, or you will disagree about how to handle a certain situations or decisions. That is all normal.
What is not normal is the arguments which are on a loop. You know the ones, the arguments that keep repeating themselves and are never resolved. It’s like Groundhog Day. You know what I mean? You have heard it all before and you have SAID it all before. So why is it that these repeating arguments happen?
It is because of fear. In my case the jealousy was the external manifestation of my inner fear, that I wasn’t good enough/that my nose was too big/that I was too old to have a younger partner. I thought that all these things would mean that the other person could not possibly be happy with me and would run off with a much better person than me!
And so this low self-esteem created bulls*t thoughts and stories, all of which manifested and showed up in the form of jealousy.
For example, the night before Valentine’s Day in 1987. Husband number 2 was out at the pub with his friends. Already, things were not going well. Clearly, he should have been home with me, however, my adult/logical brain was in charge at the start of the night. He was perfectly entitled to go out with his friends, I reasoned.
And that was fine till I realised that it was late, and he should have been home already. This is in the days before mobiles you understand. And initially I was a bit worried, which became worse and worse as time went on. I thought he might have been in a fight or an accident, he might be dead. And if he wasn’t dead he would wish he were, when I got my hands on him! Half an hour later I had him married and on his way to Zimbabwe with his new wife and the 2.2 children they had, which of course meant he had a perfect/dream life and he’d forgotten about me (yes, it’s true in those days I watched and could have written scripts for any great soap opera!).
So, you can imagine the scene, he walks in late and is greeted with both guns blazing and he’s expected to defend himself against the onslaught of the “woman possessed” prosecution.
In fact, what had happened was that his mate had an accident and ended up in A & E and he went with him to support. Perfectly reasonable actions. But my inner child had him guilty as charged before he had a chance to explain. It’s no wonder that this relationship didn’t work out, and neither did husband number 3 who decided that since he was being accused of being unfaithful the whole time, he might as well go and BE unfaithful.
In my case, I now know that my insecurity and lack of self-esteem was caused by the absence or unpredictability or absence/presence of key people of influence when I was a child. And even becoming aware of this didn’t resolve it for me, because, as I have learned, you cannot sort out emotion with logic. Just KNOWING the reason for something doesn’t make it go away. You can only “transform” an emotional block by replacing with a new emotion. Willpower alone does not work.
I was recently working with a man who has a drink problem. If you know my story, you’ll know I can relate to this. The reason for his drinking was not because of any abuse he’d suffered as a child it was because he was trying to get back to being connected to others.
As a child he loved family parties, where others would be drinking, not him (he was only 5 or 6 years old) so his inner child made the connection between others drinking and happy times. And so in the only way an emotional child could – he linked drinking with happiness. And I can tell you now, drinking alone to get connection, never works – try doing “cheers” on your own.
No, the answer here was to connect with other human beings, not a bottle and so now he spends time with his family and his friends, the adult has taken back control and now he is choosing a life of freedom.
That’s why I love stories, stories that empower you, because a story changes your state, helps you to emotionally connect. It gives you your WHY.
As qualified Rapid Transformational Therapist I can help people, like you, to uncover the cause of any emotional trauma (and to be honest as a child, dropping an ice-cream is a trauma, so it’s not always a huge drama that’s happened). I help you to resolve it, many times in one session by helping you to “change the meaning” that you have attached to life’s happenings, so you can overcome drama, procrastination, lack of confidence, low self-esteem and addictions to name a few.
I will be talking about what I do at a very special event that I would like to invite you to attend on March 8th at the Marriott Hotel Salford, in celebration of International Women’s Day. Make no mistake though, this is NOT just an event for women. One gender doesn’t exist in isolation. It is all about relationships and collaboration.
Which is why we are collaborating with the fabulous folk at Manchester’s Leading Women in Business to put this event together for you.
Who is it for?
It is for you if you are a business owner who wants to improve their business and personal results and happiness levels.
It is for you if you feel, think or intuit, that there is something going on that needs resolving in your life. If you have unresolved trauma that you are aware of, or just things that you feel could be going better.
It is for you if you want to learn to think differently. Actions are created by thoughts, and the same thoughts will only ever result in the same actions and the same results. If you want to change your results you need to change your thinking.
It is for you if health is becoming more important than ever for you and you want to know how you can improve your own health or the health of a loved one.
It is also for you if you are interested in the current Facebook change in algorithm which will affect everything you are spending your time doing on Facebook (Hint – you probably need to change EVERYTHING).
And it is for you if you are interested in Feng Shui and creating a better environment and mental state at home and at work.
We have 6 internationally acclaimed public speakers (yes, me included), who will be bringing their light and wisdom on the subjects above.
Our keynote speaker is “The Secret’s” Marie Diamond, who will be flying in to share the afternoon with us and share with YOU, her unique perspective on life, feng shui and shedding some myths about the law of attraction.
Join us from only £19 on this link.