Have you heard of silently living? No, I’m not talking about monks or being on a retreat.
I was looking through Instagram the other day when I came across an interesting post about ‘silently leaving’. We will get to silent living shortly, but first what is ‘silent leaving?’
What does it mean?
If you’re in a relationship that you’re not really invested in, then you’re silently leaving it – wanting it to end, but not wanting to be the one responsible for it, or not wanting to start that conversation with your partner.
The post described some of the signs of how to recognise this, or how to recognise if your partner is the one silently leaving the relationship:
Not wanting to discuss the future. Going through the motions, only putting in the bare minimum. Having your partner become defensive if they’re questioned about their own effort.
As I was reading this, a thought came to me.
Silently leaving can apply to all kinds of aspects of life.
I was instantly reminded of my past, mainly my old job. When I was working for my previous boss, the Dracula, I was definitely silently leaving!!
Sure, I’d turn up every day, but I only ever did what was necessary, it felt like I was drifting through everything.
Nothing I did, even outside of work, made me feel particularly excited or giddy. People would ask me to come out for a drink, I would say yes or no, and then if I did turn up, I felt nothing.
This was because of how much I had grown apart from the people I had once been friends with, and it had reached a point where I realised I had nothing in common with any of these people!
Even hanging out with certain family members was making me feel very little emotionally. I was going through the motions with everything – my family, my ‘friends’, my job.
And that can be OK. Everyone grows and changes as time progresses. Sometimes you can become so focused on your own growth, that you forget that other people are changing too.
Eventually it can end up to the point where you realise that you have nothing in common with said person anymore, so you end up silently leaving the friendship. Maybe muting a group chat, or not checking in with/messaging the person anymore.
What happens when you live silently
The more aspects of your life that become affected by silently leaving, the more likely it is that you’re LIVING silently as well. What do I mean by this?
You’re surviving, not living. Or at least, you are living, but you’re living in silence, like a ghost. I call this ‘seeing dead people’.
A few weeks ago, I wrote about what it means to be ‘stuck in a funk’, which you can read here if you haven’t already! It means that you’re drifting through life, that you’ve ended up in a position where nothing excites you anymore.
Life shouldn’t be like that. You should look forward to things, and the relationships you have – whether it’s family, friends, a partner – should bring you warmth, happiness, and you should WANT to hang out with them, not just do it because you feel like you have to.
How can you resolve this?
Let me tell you this: you don’t have to silently leave a relationship. That is truly a last resort, something that should only be done if you believe the person is doing more harm to you than good. Like frenemies for example, or if you truly think the relationship is past fixing (and that’s for YOU to decide!!).
The first thing you need to do is know who you are. Not your name, age, or occupation, I mean what type of person you are. Your genetic blueprint.
For example, you might be an initiator. You’re more likely to look at the world (including yourself) from a larger point of view and know what needs to happen next. This could mean that you’re able to look at your relationships from the outside and see what needs to be done from both sides.
Or maybe if you’re a neighbour, (the rarest of the types, so congratulations!) you’re better at reflection. So, you’re more likely to look at your relationships once they’re finished and learn something about them that you can implement into your next relationships!
If you know what you want, you’ll be much more successful at telling others what you want out of the relationship you share with them, and by doing that, it might help them to do the same!
But if you don’t know what you want, I urge you start by discovering your genetic blueprint, by clicking here.
You don’t have to be silent!
As someone who loves to both speak AND train future speakers, you can imagine that I don’t encourage living silently. Some people may be OK with it!
But if drifting through life isn’t really something that takes your fancy, then keep reading.
One way to combat silence is through public speaking training. I understand that just the thought of public speaking may send a shiver down your spine, but I can promise that it will give you the voice you need to gain more confidence, develop your business, and learn more about yourself!
Many women I know have felt like their lives were going nowhere. But since working with me, they’ve found their voices and harnessed their feminine energy. Now, they’re living the lives they were born to live, rather than living someone else’s.
If this sounds like something you’d like to be a part of, then come and join us on the 26th November, at our next Strictly Come Speaking event. I guarantee you’ll receive endless support and gain new friendships, as well as learning some confidence building speaking tips!
Get your FREE ticket here – but hurry, as availability is limited!
Cheryl xx
PS – The genetic blueprint really helps with understanding who you are and what you are here to do – fill in this 2-minute questionnaire and I will send you your own ‘genetic blueprint’ which will help you understand yourself so you can begin to find your why! You will find it here.
PPS – If the link doesn’t work for any reason (sometimes technology has a bad day) then email me on cheryl@cheryl-chapman.com and I will sort it out for you!
PPS – If you liked this blog and want to read more blogs surrounding female empowerment, you can find last week’s here: ‘When Enough is Enough‘
“I’m on a global mission to help 10 million disheartened souls, who are at a crossroads, to STOP asking why me? And START saying why not me!”